For-Ever goodbyes ~

If this is the last dance,
dance backwards
or stop Time
or reverse and undo~
or just never start ...

I had to say goodbye to the closest Wolf in my Life ~
having to let go of this great 'teacher', giving his beautiful physical body back to Mother Earth,
wondering where his Spirit went ...?
Unconditional loyalty and love ~ patience and softness ~ for-Ever the higher Be-ing ~
so many lessons shared ...
no more ~
Thank You Pasco ~For-Ever.

this goodbye took me back to the other "good-byes" of the months that passed;
it so feels like one too many !?
May - one of my colleague-friends died, a horrible accident, sometimes it makes me question which realities we choose? how hard can we make it ? the 'why'-question is too superficial ... "I'll see you tomorrow "... no more 'tomorrows' ...
'how' deal with this ? Osho said "go with Life, do not celebrate death, focus on the living ..."
yet I need to focus on the dead sometimes ~ that seems to be a 'people-thing' ? when finished with their cycle, where do they go ? ~ And is it 'for-Ever' ??
Thank you Albert ~ For-Ever.

June - learning that -again- I will lose my job at my school ... I see myself write this one , 'my' school ?!
Am I really so 'location-bound' ? 'People-attached' ?
yes - whoooo - (big howl) - lots of feelings and emotions here ; saying goodbye to Albert was one ,
having to say goodbye to all my colleagues , all my pupils , ...
this word 'my' - sounds selfish - sounds childish - I do not want to leave 'my' pack ...
however, in the people-world, governments make laws, budgets, timetables ... if education in this Space is not estimated and valued higher, people get hurt ~ both the wee ones, and the ones on the other side of the desk ~
I feel as if I'm losing ground this time - don't know why , don't know how to deal with it ... get to be scared, get to be angry , get to feel insecure, ... lost myself this time ...
maybe I needed for my Wolf to be around these souls a bit longer ?
or think I needed that.

Weird though - January last I had all these other feelings, doubts, fears ... And now that is gone too ...
The 'new pack' I worried about, acquired special places in my Heart ... and I have to -let go-

But I guess I am now supposed to look around the riverbend ~ have Faith that more , other, (better) challenges and opportunities await around the riverbend ?
Then why am I so afraid to take the next step ~ to leap ~ to 'go with the flow' ?
'cause it feels not as 'a fluent flow' , it feels as a gigantic obstacle, a giant mountain which I refuse to mount ...
and I have no Faith in my Inner Wolf, the One who already knows what is next ~ but who will howl once again, for I am so obstinate.

And September - goodbye Pasco ~ this Time here is short - how come I am still wasting precious moments ?