Substitute People ~

Substitute People

I am impossible to forget , but hard to remember ?!

It surely is never about being remembered ~ is it ... that would be living from the ego-I ~
so maybe "evaporating" is good. so maybe it is just necessary to do the thing I'm supposed to do, without questioning it, without expectation ~ without attachment to people and places and titles and functions and whatever else the human world has invented to be 'the right thing' ...
how come I once was able to teach from the core of my Be-ing, tell all these truths to young people starting on their journey through Life , and now completely lost my core ? is that at all possible ? was it 'my' core then ?
and if it was, what did I do to lose it ? or how did I forget to live it, become incapable of living it ...
I feel as if I am now one of the "substitute people" ~ that is not true - I always was one of them -
those people who will always be there when no one else is , when Life feels empty and roads hard to walk,
when friends turn their backs and a shoulder is needed ...
those people who are then instantly "remembered" - and who won't say no -
those people who so miraculously 'understand' it , 'feel' it , 'know' it all -
those same people who under any other circumstances roam the world alone ~ by themselves ~
who equally need a shoulder sometimes , who equally have needs ... yet do not qualify ...?
Someone once said, True Greatness is when you fail, and fail again, and fail a gadzillion more times,in the eyes of the world,or when you fall, and fall again ..., or walk alone again , and then show the world you can still smile ...
...how do you do that ??? when all you really want to do is cry ...
Can I choose ? ... I'm done smiling ; so I'll cry ~ and be ... Not Great.

For any Wolf can walk alone - can howl alone - what happens if you feel you lose the Wolf inside ?
what if this 'teacher' just became her own worst pupil ??